Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
This past weekend, Bernie Sanders’ “Fighting Oligarchy Tour” brought him to Stanford where he publicly announced his latest album, “Feel the Bern.” According to Sanders, the album will have a style similar to his early work: “Punk and Phunk for the Working Class.”
The tracklist so far includes:
- “Feel the Bern”
- “Drug Prices (are Too Darn High)”
- “Paycheck to Paycheck”
- “Oligarchy”
- “Artisanal Intelligence”
- “The 1%”
- “Socialist Agenda (ft. AOC and Zohran Mamdani)”
- “Citizens Ignited”
- “Summertime Mittens”
- “Death of Wall Street”
- “Dental, Vision and More / Veteran Care”
- “I was Right About Iraq (and You Know It)”
The album is set to release this summer. To tease the release, Sanders released the track, “Oligarchy,” early. Here are the lyrics:
Alright everybody listen up
I’m here, frankly, to disrupt
This party
Of oligarchy
Is something I need to speak on
We got a conflict
Your bitcoin encrypt
I hope FIFA gives a prize
For getting your ass kicked
Walked into the White House
What’s that smelly husk?
I think it’s the Musk
I am your preacher
Prefer Mark directed by Fincher
My rhymes are precise
Clock you like ice
Your gold’s got a high price
Oh well isn’t that nice
Ritchie Rich
Ritchie Rich
Frankly it’s malarkey
New November, new decision
The poor rich with division
I’m tired of this damn oligarchy
Please tell me Bezos
Just how many pesos
Does it take to make
The Washington Post close
Now they tryna take out Medicare
Replace service with a prayer
But I don’t mind cause on CCTV
Luigi Mangione gives out shots for free
Hey one percent
Be best and repent
I’ll be more of a gent
Respectfully, I dissent
Ritchie Rich
Ritchie Rich
Frankly it’s malarkey
New November, new decision
The poor rich with division
I’m tired of this damn oligarchy
Be careful where you drill
Beware an oil spill
You’d be familiar with those
Since you blew that damn Bill
Melania wanna get up
But you got a prenup
You like an underaged debutante
I get all my trollops in Burlington, Vermont
Repeat offenda
Socialist agenda
My party’s magenta
Wokeness will offend ya
Ritchie Rich
Ritchie Rich
New November, new decision
The poor rich with division
I’m tired of this damn oligarchy
Ritchie Rich
Ritchie Rich