Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

At the behest of a publication near you, the Humor Section is proud to promote this new and exciting job opportunity:

“It is our humble pleasure to inform our populace that our publication is paying ONE CENT per hour of LABOUR done distributing papers of GREAT and HALLOWED IMPORT to the Stanford populace. We ask that any paper boys, and we do specify BOYS, be skilled in the various ARTS and TALENTS of subterfuge and devising OPPORTUNITIES for R&DE employees to earn their compensation. 

We also seek CONTRIBUTORS; if you know classmates, classicists, or Shane Gillis, invite them to write with us. God Bless America!”