You want to know what rock bottom feels like? Put yourself in the shoes of PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem.
A year ago this time, the golf world was buzzing about the return of Tiger Woods to the tour. After an eight-month injury-forced layoff, golf’s messiah stepped back into the tee box, and all was right again in the PGA. Attendance was back up, ratings stopped their nosedive and some much-needed revenue was being pumped back into the tour.
A Thanksgiving night car crash, a voice mail (Huge. Quickly.), and a who’s who list of over-the-hill porn stars and strippers later, the PGA is left with this: the most publicity it can artificially manufacture has to do with the grooves in Phil Mickelson’s Ping-Eye 2 irons that are older than yours truly. The controversy has to do with the PGA banning square grooves on club heads in favor of V-shaped grooves that generate less spin.
So we went from the world’s most recognizable athlete making his triumphant return to golf to a complex physics lesson concerning an aspect of the game of which the casual fan has no knowledge, let alone interest, in. The Tiger-Jack Nicklaus “greatest player” debates have been replaced by a Mickelson-Scott McCarron catfight about 20-year-old golf clubs.
Rock bottom.
Here’s the real scary part. In less than a week, Mickelson’s groove issue could be one of the few compelling sports stories. Once the Super Bowl is over on Sunday, what do we have left (besides two weeks of post-game recap and a few more Peyton-Timberlake Sony commercials)?
The NBA playoffs are months away, but the regular season is over. Any team that has a chance to win the championship has virtually clinched a playoff berth.
Ditto for the NHL.
Unless you’re a baseball nerd, I’m assuming the Giants signing former closer Byung-Hyun Kim to a minor league deal isn’t going to have you running to the water cooler for discussion and analysis.
The Australian Open is over, and in a shocking upset, the British didn’t win.
Surely there must be some Stanford sports to entertain us, right? While Cardinal men’s basketball (and every other Pac-10 team) is still in the hunt for the conference title, in terms of the NCAA Tournament in March, these games mean little. The Pac-10 has so underperformed (or met expectations, depending on who you ask), that most likely the only conference team who will receive a bid to March Madness will be the winner of the Pac-10 postseason tournament.
No. 1 women’s water polo started its season last weekend, but unless you’re in KA or Kappa, I’m guessing you didn’t notice.
In short, come Monday morning, get ready to learn all you never wanted to know about the grooves in Phil Mickelson’s golf clubs. Is he cheating? Is it against the spirit of the rule? Is playing with 20-year-old golf clubs even an advantage?
Any more and I’m going to be launching my V-groove clubs through the TV.
The good news is that the sports drought will only last a week, as the Winter Olympics begin Feb. 12. For two weeks, we will be relieved from the obligatory February lull. From there, it’s not too far from March Madness. After that, you can practically taste baseball Opening Day and the NBA and NHL playoffs.
Relief is on the way. You just need to survive next week. Luckily for me, I got two midterms to ease the pain.
Mike Lazarus needs to find a European soccer team to follow for two weeks. Send him suggestions at mlazarus “at” stanford.edu.