You might say Roxy knows her way around, and she has observed, through vast personal experience, that there are only two types of lovin’ at Stanford: the casual hookup and the married couple. Roxy’s seen – and done – it all. Yes, from meet-and-“greet” encounters to hip-attached commitment, it’s true: there just aren’t many other ways to rough-and-tumble on the Farm.

To each his or her own, but before you accidentally find yourself tied down or cut loose, take a gander at Roxy’s take on the two sides of the lovely coin that is sex at Stanford.

Short and Sweet

The biggest upside to the casual fling? Easy come, easy go. The Roxy Cake’s got enough for everyone to have a slice. And let’s face it: who isn’t hungry? As we say around the office, if you’re interested in Roxy, she’s interested in you. Never one to surrender her addiction to raspberry-flavored vodka, Roxy knows that a little social lubrication is often a friendly helper when getting to, ahem, “know” people. Biblically.

Because really, Roxy would like to get to the point here. The problem with actually getting to know someone is that you have to deal with troublesome things like conversations and feelings. Why all the games, why all the fuss, why all the Facebook poking when you could be poking IRL?

So get over your prudish high-school qualms and serve yourself a little sampling from the all-you-can-taste buffet. Never before and never again will Roxy be privy to such an array of young, intelligent and athletic specimens in her life. Roxy’s been around the block – and she knows the history corner is never locked.

The Grateful Wed

Roxy, like many Stanford sassy lasses, is a busy gal. And as such, she knows the power of a little horizontal workout as a study break. But who has the time to wine and dine someone for a little fun? Though Roxy’s more “exploratory” phases may contrast sharply with her times as half of a perennial couple, she’s got some aspects of the persistent-pair setup to defend.

For one, it’s efficient. Once you’ve gotten over the initial worries of how much time to spend together, there’s no need for pleasantries, only a quick text: “Meet me in the stacks in five. Bring rope.” It’s because Roxy knows the best part of being tied down is being tied up by someone who knows how she likes her knots.

Roxy’s wallet appreciates not having to pay for housing, and her schedule appreciates the speediness of a mid-afternoon quickie when two Google Calendars line up. And as much as she enjoys the thrill of a new conquest, there’s something to be said for practice making perfect. There are only so many kinks you can throw at a new “acquaintance” before the poor soul bolts into the night for the relative safety of FroSoCo.