Roxy Sass: Smooching to victory

Oct. 22, 2010, 12:43 a.m.

Roxy Sass: Smooching to victoryYour eyes meet. The light of the Quad delicately outlines the features on his or her face. The intriguing stranger steps forward; you step forward. While most encounters such as this continue with both parties making casual small talk, tonight, the lips are being put to a different use.

Ah, Full Moon on the Quad.

Roxy’s a classy lady, apart from a few smoothed-over scandals in her past. As such, she knows better than to reveal her true age – but it’s safe to say that this lip-locking initiation is not new territory for the Sass. And a few years under her belt have certainly left Roxy with some foolproof strategies to make the most of your mouthful.

So those who can: do. Those who can’t, pay attention – then go out and kiss like it ain’t nobody’s business.

First, the preparations: fresh breath and reinforcements are a must. For the sake of public health and general happiness, Roxy wants to remind everyone that Listerine is, at least for tonight, man’s (and woman’s) best friend. Also be sure to bring a trusted companion along for the ride – not for smooching (why stick to one when you can have many?), but for wing-manning. Someone’s gotta jump on that grenade.

Another oft-overlooked tip: don’t bring anything you could easily drop. Roxy speaks from experience here – no one, especially Roxy, wants to miss out on 15 minutes of make-outs while searching for a dropped phone in a crowd of legs. It’s less exciting than it sounds.

In terms of technique, a few pecks of advice go a long way. When it comes to tongue, the word of the hour is “refined.” Holding back might not go hand-in-hand with the Four Loko you chugged earlier that night, but no one likes a kiss after which a tongue brush is needed. In defense of balance, however, Roxy has to add that an empty mouth with no tongue is nothing less than disconcerting. Moderation is sexy.

As for teeth, there’s a time and a place, and it’s not here. Roxy has been caught in the traps of “chompers,” and the experience was both figuratively and literally scarring. Avoid.

The bottom line is: if someone sucks at kissing, assess – can it be fixed with a quick tip for a more pleasurable rendezvous? Then drop a hint and be nice about it. If someone literally sucks, run away.

Roxy’s goals for Monday night are simple. Show the freshmen (and sophomores) for whom this is the first Full Moon that kissing randos can be all in good fun, assuming you don’t emerge from the fray with a disease, a traumatizing experience or a creepy grad stalker. The thrill of the chase in this night’s environment is one unlike any other – so join Roxy and suspend your judgment, close your eyes and dive in, lips first.

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