Roxy Sass salutes and seduces the nation’s veterans

Nov. 12, 2010, 12:32 a.m.

Roxy Sass salutes and seduces the nation's veterans“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’s serving men and women.” More like what you can do to your country’s serving men and women, Roxy says.

Roxy is all about service. Veterans Day, which honors the men and women in our armed forces, past and present, is also all about service. It’s a match made in heaven.

And for those committed to service while still college students, ROTC Sass salutes you. (It makes more sense if you pronounce it “Rot-C,” as some do.) She’s a big fan of the work you do, and, in thanks, would like to show you how the plot of “An Officer and a Gentle-Roxy” might play out with a little imagination.

But Roxy is only one person, and this needs to be a campus-wide movement. This Veterans Day weekend, Roxy encourages all students to give a little extra TLC to students in Stanford’s ROTC program for the good of the country. After all, the benefits of hooking up with military folk extend far beyond a more relaxed and satisfied national fighting force…

First, the logistical practicalities. Roxy knows as soon as she hears “ROTC” that the specimen in question has a sweet six-pack and a good respect for obeying orders – bedroom orders included, she hopes. Roxy also knows that when her militarily inclined bedfellow has to get up at 5 a.m. to haul ass to Santa Clara for training, Roxy gets to do her walk of shame in the peace and isolation of the early morning, with enough time back in her own bed to catch a full REM cycle before class. And a lifestyle of early mornings trains a person to be highly alert even with little sleep – which opens up opportunities for other bed-oriented activities during night hours.

And then, of course, the indisputable fact: ROTC members are so attractive that it should really be spelled SEX-C. These student officers possess weapons of mass seduction – and unlike Dubya, Roxy’s been able to find them without any trouble. Who else can hold both innuendo-laced and policy-based discussions about missile launches? Roxy wants to learn how to salute your flag (pole). And she never retreats from a full-body blitzkrieg.

So, everyone have a sexy and respectful Veterans Day weekend. These people serve our country; the least you can do is service them. It’s the call of duty, and Roxy’s ready to answer.

Login or create an account