It was a warm Sunday evening. Roxy was getting her Twitter on when the first glimmers of the rumor began. White House announced a press conference, e-whispers of bin Laden’s death started to pepper the Internet and Roxy knew what to do: she turned on CNN.

But suspecting she would be in for a sizeable wait before the big news, Roxy made sure none of it was wasted listening to Wolf Blitzer pontificate about the historic nature of the event. Instead, what better to do than to send out a quick booty call and bring over some company to truly take advantage of her time? Roxy doesn’t need her hands or mouth to keep one ear at the ready for the president’s announcement, and the political anticipation of the announcement only made the sexual anticipation of Roxy’s latest romp all the more exciting.

Once Obama finished his speech, Roxy was struck by a few revelations. Firstly, in making the country wait so long for the address, Obama certified his status as total tease — and Roxy kind of liked it. Secondly, Navy SEALs just got so sexy that Roxy might have to restrain herself when looking at a marine mammal seal or even an envelope seal. Thirdly, Pakistan had more explaining to do than a significant other caught with a lover hiding in the closet.

But fourthly, and most importantly: Roxy realized that even the most momentous foreign policy announcement in recent years couldn’t keep her attention completely on a Sunday night. Her eyes may have been glued to the screen, but the rest of her body was, erm, busy doing something else. No precious time was idly wasted, and hey — multi-tasking just got a lot more fun.

Roxy’s been given many lectures about time management, but they never seem to stick. Sexytime Management (copyright pending), however, is much more intriguing. Need to finish that essay? Promise yourself a booty call scheduled to arrive on your doorstep as soon as you finish but not a minute before. Even Roxy could pump out an 80-page thesis if it meant getting pumped after she turned it in.

Midterm season getting you down? Get it back up by spicing up your time-management incentives. Roxy knows that today’s youth is already a multi-tasking, overloaded generation — so release your load a little with some pleasant procrastination or delayed gratification. Lots of studying now means more fun times later, or getting both done at the same time is equally admirable. Pairing your o-chem with some o’s of your own is doubly productive — and that’s just being smart about it. America — f*** yeah.

Need a study buddy? Email Roxy at [email protected].