Roxy Sass tries playing for the other team

May 27, 2011, 12:32 a.m.

It’s simple logic: Roxy, being as attractive (and as attracted to others) as she is, has come to an obvious conclusion. In order to find and frolic with someone of an equally Roxy-high caliber, an extensive search must take place. Why limit the candidates to just one gender?

Roxy, while admittedly preferring bros over hoes, has occasionally straddled the fence on the issue — as she straddles many things. To get a broader perspective, though, she consulted lesbian sidekick (and fellow columnist) Lickin’ Lass for some pros and cons on dating one of the fairer sex.

First, the practical perks: sharing can apply to more than just sharing a bed. Roxy looks great in sweatpants, but when she decides to get all fancy, she enjoys having access to all the clothes in another girl’s wardrobe. Lickin’ Lass points out that having a lady lover is also handy for sharing jewelry (you don’t have to be the same size!), and a distinct lack of sperm in the equation means saving on birth control. It just makes economic sense.

Secondly, in a dorm setting, sexiling isn’t always an option, and hookups are sometimes relegated to a dorm bathroom or shower — for ladies only. Roxy has been through many an awkward encounter on the way in or out of the shower with a boytoy in tow, and the idea of waltzing in without hesitation is an intriguing one. Plus, to be honest, Roxy’s a bit of an attention whore: while people do occasionally burst into applause when Roxy makes out with someone at a party, she thinks the likelihood of cheering increases tenfold when it’s with another girl.

The choice, however, isn’t that clear. Lickin’ Lass warns that when two girls date, it means the time of the month becomes the time of the fortnight. And as much as Roxy pretends her hormones don’t control her, let’s be real. For those at the mercy of monthly mood swings, dabbling with another girl may not be the best solution for sanity. One more catch — although girl-diggers project a low-maintenance vibe, Roxy knows the truth: crew cuts require frequent trips to the salon, and Roxy’s wallet can’t handle that these days.

In the end, Roxy’s gonna leave the lickin’ to her sidekick. When Roxy realized that dating girls meant that two of her exes would probably end up dating each other someday, the fear of the awkward love triangle was a little too much for her. For Roxy, it’s dicks before chicks — at least for now.

Want to get in touch with Lickin’ Lass? (Roxy promises she’s real.) Email Roxy at [email protected].

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