Roxy remembers the long-ago days of her freshman year, when she was still young and naïve. Before she could even say NSO, she was warned against the dangers of dormcest. But willpower isn’t exactly Roxy’s strong suit, and boys are no exception. When fine male specimens are presented in front of Roxy day-in and day-out, it’s inevitable that she’s going to go for a little “in and out” of her own. After several years of experience, Roxy’s developed a finely honed list of the dos and don’ts of dormcest, which she’s proud to share with the world.

Do:

Keep it on the DL.

Roxy has never been one to advocate keeping things quiet (in or out of the bedroom), but dormcest is a notable exception. The only thing more awkward than that first encounter with your dormmate post-hookup is everyone else knowing how awkward you feel. Plus, Roxy always finds sneaking around and hooking up in dark corners exciting. Secret agent role-play, anyone?

Accept that it’s not actually going to stay on the DL.

Secrets at Stanford are much like Roxy–they spread quickly. If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen, or the…lounge.

Use protection.

No one wants a dorm baby. ‘Nuff said.

Don’t:

Hook up with your next-door neighbor.

Roxy appreciates the convenience factor of a two-foot walk of shame, but she also knows that no one looks good on his or her way to the bathroom at 8 a.m. And keep in mind that the walls in Stanford housing are pretty thin: hearing him or her get over you by getting under someone else is definitely not ideal.

Double-dormcest with roommates.

Sexiling is a sad but necessary part of the college experience. Sexiling someone who’s still waiting for more than a half-assed drunken hookup is just plain mean.

Hook up in common areas.

Just because everyone in the dorm wants to know your business doesn’t mean they want to see it firsthand. (And Roxy suggests you avoid the ones who do.)