It’s spring quarter at Stanford, and as the temperature goes up, things are bound to get hot and heavy. Though spring quarter has the fewest days, Roxy’s always been able to get the most action in the final third of each year. The third time may be the charm, but Roxy’s success in getting lucky involves more than dumb luck–read on for tips on how to turn up the heat this spring quarter.

After extreme, unit-heavy winter quarters, spring is the time to take it easy (though let’s be real, Roxy is always easy). Lighter course loads mean more time for… extracurricular activities. If you do need more classes, Roxy suggests you look into French porn or the female sexuality workshop in Nitery Room 221 on Thursdays at 6 p.m. Find yourself a cute study buddy and be sure to have lots of “review sessions.”

Warm weather has perks of its own. As the temperature increases, the amount of clothing everyone wears decreases dramatically–one less obstacle between Roxy and her end goal. And just as importantly: day drinking. Starting the party earlier in the day with sloshball and slip ‘n’ slides means the party (and Roxy) can… finish earlier, too. Roxy particularly enjoys slip ‘n’ slides–she never turns down a chance to get wet.

And while spring quarter marks the beginning of the end for most seniors, Roxy, ever the optimist, has found an upside. With the end drawing near, many seniors make bucket lists of things they want to accomplish before they graduate–including exotic hookup locales. Trying to get it on in the stacks? Roxy loves books. Need to go to the top of Hoover Tower? Roxy could come along, but she also has a great view of HooTow from her bed. Roxy suggests you find a senior with a bucket list and offer to lend a helping hand… or, you know, some other body parts.

Know any seniors looking to cross “hook up with a Daily staffer” off their bucket list? Contact Roxy at [email protected].