Roxy Sass tests her hard drive: The Merits of Cyber Love

Oct. 29, 2012, 12:47 a.m.

Like any other Stanfordian, Roxy has a million things to do in a day, not to mention people. Being a campus-wide sexual icon takes up more time than you’d think, and some weeks Roxy is so exhausted that she can’t find the time to pick over and pick up new boy toys (the figurative ones — Roxy always has time for toys…). Recently, Roxy has embarked on a new adventure to help with this conundrum: online dating.

That’s right — Roxy Sass is trying out a different type of “cyber,” and she made a profile on DateMySchool to seek out some other lovers that are also too … tied up … to meet people. Plus, Roxy gets to lie on her back and let the site do all the hard work for her. Roxy’s profile happens to be even more revealing than her Saturday night outfits.

Roxy: interested in? You. Looking for? A fun casual time. Likes? Orally stimulating conversation and blood-pumping physical activities. Message me now if…? You’ll agree to massage me later ;).

A lot of students are worried that Internet daters are weird, but Roxy promises that on this site, people are only freaks in the sheets. Roxy recommends the experience to anyone textually curious and ready to get caught in the World Wide Web of desire. Except the site isn’t worldwide — it’s for college and graduate students only. Sorry, no “salumning” here.

Speaking of graduate students, one sweet medical student got up the courage to ask Roxy to brunch. Let’s just say he was hoping for more than just buttering her biscuit. That’s not to say he was one of those typical sketchy grads; Roxy’s doctor of love turned out to be just the medicine she needed. Yes, he was able to give very thorough physical examinations, but he was so much more than that (as evidenced by his extensive profile on DateMySchool). And despite the countless party hookups and hundreds of adoring fans, Roxy has been craving a little extra tender love and care.

Don’t get Roxy wrong — she’s not about to go looking for a serious relationship … but that’s not what online dating is about. How many people has Roxy biked past on her way to class, people like Doctor Love, who she would have never met were it not for sites like DateMySchool? Roxy’s advice? Take a chance on doing a little online love searching yourself; you’ll be surprised at what you’ll find.

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