In journalism, as in sex, the first is what matters. So when The New York Times published an article about college girls and hookups, Roxy couldn’t resist pointing out that they were getting her sloppy seconds — she’s been writing about the ins and outs of the Stanford hookup scene since the UPenn Class of 2015 was falling for the “pen 15 club” trick. Listen up, NYT, because Roxy’s been doing this for a while.

In fact, she’s spent a good part of her undergrad career investigating this kind of thing – and it’s not all firsthand experience either (although, let’s be honest, most of it is. Roxy’s good with her hand, after all.). She’s interviewed women from all corners of Stanford – they belonged to sororities (or would never dream of wearing a bro tank), reported for the newspaper (it might be called The Daily, but Roxy knows things get really interesting late at night), tanned on Wilbur field or g-chatted in lecture. Some spent almost every weekend night at Old Pro (turns out Roxy’s not the only one who knows her way around a mechanical bull), others spent Fridays in Meyer getting ahead on next week’s p-sets. Roxy found them in a variety of ways, from drunk encounters at TAP to…drunk encounters at TDX.

Because they believed that talking openly about sex could lead people to realize that students actually have sex at Stanford – dispelling the widely held belief among the media that all we do is Snapchat and code under the palm trees – the women spoke on the condition that their names would not be revealed (following the example of the totally and completely anonymous writer of “Sex Talks with the Tree”). Not Roxy though — there are people moaning her full name all over campus.

It’s true that the women of Stanford are both busy and getting busy, and Roxy’s no exception. She’s holed up in the library for long, late nights, though not ALL of her, ahem, comings and goings in the stacks were motivated by purely academic pursuits. And while the women from Susan Patton’s era may have been most concerned about getting that MRS degree, Roxy’s generation can barely find time to DTR (define the relationship), especially when they’re more focused on other letters in the alphabet like CS, MS&E, and S&M. (Even Roxy found time to put down the course readers and pick up “Fifty Shades of Grey.”)

Maybe it’s that innovative Stanford spirit, but Roxy sees her time crunch as an opportunity rather than an obstacle. When classes, extracurriculars and locking down next summer’s internship start to take over Roxy’s life, she turns to multitasking. Not enough time to study for tomorrow’s midterm and hit the gym? Roxy knows a few other ways to get in your cardio. Text that cutie from lecture and you can drill each other — on thermodynamics — while getting hot and heavy (Roxy’s always down for some adiabatic expansion). Too busy for a full-time boyfriend or girlfriend? Relationships may be a 5-unit course, but sleeping with a TA is more like a side project for extra credit. To the girl who noted that “I could get in a relationship, or I could finish my film,” Roxy suggests that two might not be mutually exclusive – just ask Kim Kardashian.

Roxy knows that not everyone has as much experience as she does — Roxy’s spent more time “boning” than an osteology professor — so even if the NYT didn’t get there first, she likes that they got there eventually (she’s also learned that sometimes the slow conclusions are the most explosive). The Times is on it, drawing a conclusion that pretty much anyone could recognize after witnessing a Theta pre-party at Sigma Chi – some girls just want to have good, old-fashioned consensual fun, no FB relationship status necessary. But of course, if any cute young reporters want to write a follow-up article, Roxy’s always down to share her knowledge. She can be very vocal about sex – and not just in the heat of the moment.