Roxy Sass: How to stay safe in the bedroom

Oct. 10, 2013, 11:40 p.m.

In the wake of the recent Stanford computer hack and ever-increasing numbers of late-night SU Alert texts, it seems everyone is talking about safety, and Roxy is no exception. She’s got some tips for staying safe where it really matters…in the bedroom.

  1. First off, some security of a more social kind. As much as Roxy supports her roommates’ sexual endeavors (she’s got that wing-woman shit on lock), she doesn’t need to witness it firsthand when lecture finishes a bit early. Whether it’s a quick text to the roomie or a sock on the door, make sure the logistics are covered before you get beneath the covers.

  2. Don’t get her wrong, Roxy’s no slouch when it comes to inventive moves, but she’s also no gymnast, so sometimes a bit of stretching is in order. Stay limber by taking a one-unit yoga class at Arrillaga — it can add some peace to a hectic schedule during the day and make sure you don’t pull any muscles later that night.

  3. Avoid any unfortunate accidents and make sure the screws of your bedframe are tightened after any lofting adjustments. The only things you want to fall down tonight are your panties…

  4. And, of course, Roxy’s No.1 safe sex tip: protection, protection, protection. Hit up the SHPRC or your PHE for condoms (they’re free!). And take a quick field trip with your partner to Vaden to get screened for STDs, so you can get back to playing doctor with no worries.

Willing to help Roxy tighten her bedframe screws? Hit her up at [email protected], and your reward might be a different kind of screw…

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