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Professor prepares for quarter by updating last year’s syllabus with this year’s dates

Satire by

While students were sleeping for twelve hours a day or lounging around some island, professors spent their entire break preparing for next quarter. One such instructor prepared extensively by replacing the dates on last year’s syllabus with this year’s dates.

“It’s tough work,” said the Abby Cadabby Professor of Fine Arts James Forté. “You have to pull out your calendar and look at the dates and stuff.”

Not only did Forté spend a lot of time updating dates, but he also went to great lengths to ensure his syllabus included the latest edition of the textbook he authored.

“My job as a professor is to make sure students have access to the latest scholarship,” Forté said, while working on the 25th edition of his book. “If that means I need to change the page numbers every few months to make the last version nearly unusable, then that’s just what I have to do.”

When asked if he ever keeps course reviews in mind when preparing for a new quarter, Forté expressed his distrust of Carta.

“Course reviews are pretty much written by angry students who don’t like me,” he said. “This, I can’t really take any of them seriously. It’s just a flawed system.”

It’s unfortunate that there aren’t more professors and lecturers at Stanford who go to the lengths Forté does in preparing for a new quarter.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Patrick Monreal at pmonreal ‘at’ stanford.edu

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Patrick Monreal '22 was the satire editor for Vol. 256, but still continues to contribute to both satire and news in Vol. 257. A native of Fresno, California, he is majoring in Earth Systems on the oceans track and minoring in chemistry. Contact him at pmonreal 'at' stanford.edu.