Satire by Kirsten Mettler
Everyone remembers where they were the day President Marc Tessier-Lavigne sent that fateful welcome-back email. It was one of my first days back from break, and I was eating in Stern dining. I heard a holler. I look over and my friend, Sherry Meyers ’23, had tears streaming down her face. She was in shock. She was in awe.
She had just read President Tessier-Lavigne’s email about the glorious “Yo-Oy” statue. Tessier-Lavigne explained the duality of the statue, how “Yo” is a good thing and “Oy” is a bad thing — artistic because we all have both “Oy” and “Yo” moments.
That, however, wasn’t the glorious sentence which really moved my friend, Sherry. It was the truly heavenly description: “Lamborghini Yellow.” The privilege leaking from such a pretentious description seemed to touch us all, blessing each and every Stanford student with a little extra bump of arrogance.
The student body loved it. They felt it. The art had spoken to them and it had said, “Lamborgini Yellow,” loud and clear. By the next day, the ASSU Undergraduate Senate had announced that they will be pushing for Stanford’s official color, “Cardinal Red,” to be changed to “Mustang Red.” I asked Senator Stew Kup ’20 why he supported this change.
“‘Mustang Red’ just really represents who we are,” Kup said. “I am a Stanford student. I want my privilege, and I want it now.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Kup says that ASSU members will be meeting with University higher-ups later this week to discuss the change.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Kirsten Mettler at kmettler ‘at’ stanford.edu.