MTL apologizes to daughter for flaking on Family Weekend

Satire by

In a trove of leaked correspondence between high-level Stanford administrators, campus watchdogs uncovered an apology text from President Marc Tessier-Lavigne MTL to his daughter for skipping out on Stanford Family Weekend.

“I’m really sorry, honey, I have a thing to go to this weekend,” read the text message. “Maybe next year? LOL.”

The text concluded with a series of emojis, including the face with tears of joy, smiling face with hearts, two piles of poo, three Vulcan salutes, a person tipping their hand and a pair of British guards.

The University refused to confirm Tessier-Lavigne’s schedule for the weekend, and his “common phrases used by humans” themed desk calendar contained only doodles of anthropomorphic reptiles for this weekend.

“The president has a very, very busy schedule,” remarked one University official. “While he is both a parent and an administrator, a higher-order beckons him this weekend. His daughter is aware of the agreement.”

Ella Tessier-Lavigne ’20 did not respond to our request for comment — either that or I forgot to reach out.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Patrick Monreal at pmonreal ‘at’

While you're here...

We're a student-run organization committed to providing hands-on experience in journalism, digital media and business for the next generation of reporters. Your support makes a difference in helping give staff members from all backgrounds the opportunity to develop important professional skills and conduct meaningful reporting. All contributions are tax-deductible.

Get Our EmailsDigest

Patrick Monreal '22 is the forefather of the satire section. He still kind of hangs around meetings and pretends to contribute to news. A native of Fresno, California, he is majoring in Earth Systems on the oceans track and minoring in chemistry. Contact him at pmonreal 'at'