Satire by Richard Coca
Charli D’Ameli, American social media personality and dancer, will be the 2020 commencement speaker for the University’s virtual ceremony on Sunday, June 14.
“Charli has shaped social media for the better,” said Stanford President Marc Tessier-Lavigne over a video message sent to the class of 2020. “In becoming one of the first influencers on TikTok, Charli undeniably captures the same spirit of ingenuity we try to cultivate at our different schools.”
The University president proceeded to dance to “Say So” before continuing on with the rest of the message.
“During these extraordinary times, it only made sense for us to pick someone who would ensure buy-in into this virtual ceremony,” he added.
D’Ameli first joined TikTok last summer, where many of her dances quickly went viral. At the age of 15, she has already been dubbed the “reigning queen of TikTok” by The New York Times.
In a follow-up statement, the Senior Class Cabinet issued its endorsement: “We are excited and humbled to have Charli as the 2020 Stanford Commencement speaker. Look, guys, they were already thinking of having our graduation ceremony be on Roblox, so we beat absurdity with absurdity and got Charli as our commencement speaker instead. After these past couples of months, we deserve this.”
“It’s an honor to have been invited by Stanford’s students and faculty, and I look forward to teaching Stanford how to do the renegade dance,” D’Ameli said. “I’ve always wanted to go to party with trees and now I have a chance to do just that.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.