Satire by Richard Coca
In an attempt to capture the full Admit Weekend experience, some prospective frosh (ProFros) set their Tinder locations to Stanford to connect with fellow trees. Many of these ProFros noted that, while the current pandemic might have prevented their ability to physically visit the campus and meet other members of the class of 2024, Tinder’s Passport feature allows them to travel virtually and meet up with other ProFros.
All of this was made possible by Tinder’s team, which, up until the end of April, allowed its “Passport” feature to be free for all users. Some ProFros expressed excitement at this feature.
“Quite frankly, this was an opportunity I knew I couldn’t pass on,” said Jonathan Bumble ’24. “I was already going to matriculate, but finding out that Admit Weekend wasn’t going to happen still hurt me. I was looking forward to meeting up with other ProFros, but honestly, this is just as good.”
Other students weren’t as impressed.
“If I had a dollar for every Chad who slid into my DMs, let’s just say I wouldn’t need to apply for financial aid anymore,” said Harmony Jones. “Anyways, I ended up committing to Yale. The students in New Haven were just infinitely more attractive.”
Teams at Tinder have now moved to pursue different brand strategies. With the Passport feature no longer available to all of its users, interns are aiming to land exclusive promotions with the @Stanford2024bios accounts.
“We’re thinking that if we land them now, we can put the campus Bumble ambassadors out of work by 2024,” said Christopher Peach ’12. “Nothing combines CS and social good like a classic dating app war.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.