Trump to suppress voting by mail under guise of privacy concerns

“It’s totally not a part of my voter suppression plan”

Satire by

Shortly after Gov. Gavin Newsom signed an executive order to send every registered voter in California a mail-in ballot, President Donald Trump announced at a press conference he will privatize parts of the post office.

Some critics have pointed out that privatization of the federal agency may hinder states who are trying to expand voting by mail. These critics warn that if the Post Office does not receive a bailout, they will not be able to adapt to the increasing number of states switching to vote-by-mail.

Upon further questioning from members of the media, the president denied that he was using the move as a way to suppress voter turnout. Instead, Trump cited privacy concerns as the reason for this decision.

“My advisors have told me privatizing a federal agency makes it safer from hackers or something like. You know how easy it is to hack stamps nowadays, right,” Trump said. “So if this decision happens to disenfranchise a few thousand voters, then so be it.”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’

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Richard Coca '22 is Managing Editor of Satire for Volume 257. A dark horse and a workhorse, Richard strives towards bettering himself and having fun on the way. He understands that life is too precious to take seriously all the time. He currently plans to major in human biology and maybe minor in Twitter. Contact him at richcoca 'at'