Trump to suppress voting by mail under guise of privacy concerns

Humor by Richard Coca
May 19, 2020, 8:48 p.m.

Shortly after Gov. Gavin Newsom signed an executive order to send every registered voter in California a mail-in ballot, President Donald Trump announced at a press conference he will privatize parts of the post office.

Some critics have pointed out that privatization of the federal agency may hinder states who are trying to expand voting by mail. These critics warn that if the Post Office does not receive a bailout, they will not be able to adapt to the increasing number of states switching to vote-by-mail.

Upon further questioning from members of the media, the president denied that he was using the move as a way to suppress voter turnout. Instead, Trump cited privacy concerns as the reason for this decision.

“My advisors have told me privatizing a federal agency makes it safer from hackers or something like. You know how easy it is to hack stamps nowadays, right,” Trump said. “So if this decision happens to disenfranchise a few thousand voters, then so be it.”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’

Richard Coca '22 has previously served as editor of The Grind for volume 258, managing editor of Satire in vol. 257, and CLIP Co-chair in vol. 255. He is majoring in Human Biology and minoring in Anthropology. Contact him at rcoca 'at'

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