Leaked emails from administration show Stanford does not exist

Humor by Richard Coca
May 28, 2020, 1:00 a.m.

In recent weeks, leaked emails have become the focus of our news team, leading The Occasionally to solicit any potential tips from our readers. We were not disappointed when [email protected] sent us this tip: Stanford does not exist.

The email read, “Psst, I feel like you guys should know that Stanford isn’t real. None of it is. It’s all a front for a real estate empire, and they just want to buy every piece of land in Silicon Valley.”

While this development immediately brought shock and confusion to the faces of The Occasionally’s leadership, our peers at The Daily did not feel the same.

“Um, I’m pretty sure this is just a bad iteration of the ‘Stanford doesn’t exist’ Reddit page,” said Vol. 257 Editor-in-Chief Holden Foreman ’21. “I wouldn’t publish this as news. Send it over to satire.”

The Occasionally reached out for comment from University officials but has yet to receive a response.

Upon further investigation, we have concluded that Stanford indeed does not exist and that Lagunita Court is really just the Mamma Mia set.

The Occasionally has also reached out to current students in an attempt to see that the school does indeed exist. However, many students reported that they’re currently at home, suggesting to The Occasionally that the leaked emails may indeed hold some truth.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Richard Coca at richcoca ‘at’ stanford.edu.

Richard Coca '22 has previously served as editor of The Grind for volume 258, managing editor of Satire in vol. 257, and CLIP Co-chair in vol. 255. He is majoring in Human Biology and minoring in Anthropology. Contact him at rcoca 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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