Satire by Lorenzo Del Rosario
Every year, many Stanford students experience “imposter syndrome,” a state of mind that leads people to believe they are a complete and utter failure despite evident success. While imposter syndrome can be extremely harmful to one’s self-esteem, it is usually too commonplace among the University’s students for the administration to notice that there might be an actual problem. A recent announcement from campus security, however, suggests that one student is experiencing imposter syndrome on a whole new level.
According to Public Safety Officer Amon Gus, several people on campus have reported strange behaviors coming from one student in particular. Several accounts of the student have described him as a “short fella” wearing a red hazmat suit similar to the ones that pandemic first responders wear. In the past two weeks, there have been multiple sightings of him randomly pretending to fix fuse boxes, creepily following other students around campus, and crawling through ventilation systems at surprisingly quick speeds. Due to the peculiar activities in which this individual has been engaging, many have decided to declare him a literal imposter, masquerading as a Stanford student.
“Yeah, I’ve seen that guy around. I think he’s hella sus, and should be kicked out of campus,” one student anonymously reported to campus security.
While many students and faculty members feel that the student is a threat to the Stanford community, others seem to be more compassionate. “I don’t think we’re giving the guy a chance to speak for himself. He might be kinda quirky, but I have plenty of classes with him, so I think he’s in the clear,” one student wearing a green hazmat suit stated.
The Stanford administration has decided to establish a committee that will vote on whether or not the student can stay on campus. They will release their final verdict next week.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Contact Lorenzo Del Rosario at lorenzak ‘at’ stanford.edu.