SATIRE: If it's any consolation, Stanford plans to send all undergraduate students a box of Kleenex tissues so that you at least don’t have to pay for something that will absorb your tears.
SATIRE: In response to the frustrations of Classics majors, Abolish Stanford Greek suggested that Greek houses on the Row be moved into columns instead.
SATIRE: Due to allegations about Yale having too much affirmative action, the committee is fully dedicated to making sure that the university is non-affirmative in all of its actions.
SATIRE: "Leland Escobar" has reportedly been selling drugs for the past four weeks, many of which were synthesized using the materials in his CHEM 31M Boxed Lab Kit.
Every year, many Stanford students experience “imposter syndrome,” a state of mind that leads people to believe that they are a complete and utter failure despite evident success.
SATIRE: A group of Stanford undergraduates has officially decided to create the organization “Unprecedon’t,” which aims to ensure that the university avoids the word as much as possible.
SATIRE: While the university expected incoming frosh to view the event as a heartfelt welcome to the Stanford community, many students instead saw MTL’s speech as a catalyst for intense simping.