2020 is over! Somehow everything is even worse. Throw your grand ideas about “working out more” and “getting good grades” into the trash because here are five realistic resolutions you should set for this new year.
SATIRE: “Prior to November third, if you pointed a gun to my head and asked me to point out Georgia on a map, I’d be dead in an instant. I miss those days.”
Minutes after pledging to himself that this would be the quarter his GPA went up, Jason Lin ’23 could be found lying on his bed, deeply entrenched in rat videos on TikTok as a Twitch Minecraft stream played in the background.
Stanford frosh everywhere were startled and confused during NSO when the new Vice Provost for Undergraduate Education suddenly emerged from their electronic devices like the girl from “The Ring.”