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Op-Ed: Why all buildings on this campus should be renamed Arillaga

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All buildings on Stanford’s campus should be renamed Arrilaga*. 

There are already (at least) four buildings named for the esteemed John C. Arrilaga and his family: 

  1. Arrrillaga Family Dining Commons
  2. Arrilllaga Center for Sports and Recreation
  3. Arrillaggga Outdoor Education and Recreation Center
  4. Frances C. Aarillaga Alumni Center
  5. Maybe more? 

Some (misinformed) people may think that this is too many. I argue that it isn’t enough. Let’s pick a building — the Gates Computer Science Building, for instance. What has Bill Gates done that esteemed real estate developer and philanthropist John Aarilaga has not? Now what has John Aaaarrillaga done that Bill Gates has not? Exactly. Do you see what I mean? The Gates Computer Science Building should be renamed to the Areyaga Computer Science Building to reflect all of John Areighyahgah’s great contributions to society. 

Apply this logic to all buildings and you’ll arrive at the same result. Lane Hall? It should be Areeyagãh Hall. Wallenberg Hall? Also A̷r̷r̵i̷l̶l̸a̸g̶a̴ Hall. The Hoover Institution? The Yahriyagah Center for Bad Takes. Toyon Hall? Crothers (Editor’s Note: pronounced Ar-ee-yah-ga?). 

Now that my brilliant argument has touched your very soul, I hope that you’ll join me in my cause to rename every single building of Stanford University. Or, should I say, Rrreyhaghah University?

*How do you spell Arrillaga? 

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

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Michelle Fu ’24 is a staff writer for the humor section. When she’s not busy being the funniest person on campus, she can be found shredding on the violin or grinding out a CS pset. Contact her at humor ‘at’ stanforddaily.com