Students over the age of 12 confused about new booster mandate

Humor by Michelle Fu
Feb. 10, 2022, 11:26 p.m.

When Stanford announced its booster mandate, students reported many emotions from relief and support to anger and mistrust. However, for Stephen Lula ‘25, the primary feeling was confusion.

“I haven’t used a booster seat since I was twelve years old,” Lula said. “Why do I suddenly need one now?” 

Moreover, Lula had some logistical questions. “So, is the booster seat supposed to go on my bike or something? I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to pedal. My legs aren’t long enough.” 

Even though Marie Kim, ‘23, has a car, she was also puzzled. “If I drive in a booster seat, I can’t really see out my front window. Isn’t this just more of a safety hazard?”

Lula and Kim’s opinion was shared by others, some of whom took more drastic steps in their opposition of the mandate. Ph.D. student Monte Hunter was so incensed that he launched a petition against mandatory boosters, which has amassed over 2,000 signatures as of the time of this article. 

“It’s absolutely unnecessary,” Hunter said. “I walk to my classes. What use is a booster to me? It should be an individual choice.” 

Hunter further argued that there are risks to boosters as well, citing the elevated risk of “hurty arm” in young men who have to carry a booster around. 

Other students, however, seemed more ambivalent. “I guess it helps me see over people’s heads in lecture, so that’s been a plus,” said Ella Kowalski ‘22. “I just hope they don’t require another one, because I have no idea where I’d put it.” 

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

“Michelle Fu ’24 is the Graphics Managing Editor for Vol. 262. She can be found grinding out p-sets, shredding on the violin, and reminiscing about how she used to be funny.

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