Hoover Institution now asking whether the name ‘Jordan Hall’ is available

Oct. 21, 2020, 7:54 p.m.

The recent decision to rename Jordan Hall was greeted by a wide range of reactions. The psychology department housed in the building is grateful that this overt symbol of eugenics will no longer remind everyone of all the racist things psychologists have done, and the general campus community is snickering at the opportunity to call it “Building 420.”

The Hoover Institution, on the other hand, has been eyeing the soon-to-be-removed Jordan Hall sign and salivating. The Occasionally can confirm that, in recent days, various Hoover higher-ups have made no less than a dozen inquiries about the fate of the sign after its removal.

“It would be a shame for it to go to waste,” one senior official said in a statement. “It’s a perfectly good name. We’re thinking of rebranding it to JRDN Hall, home to our new research institute. We’re envisaging a multi-disciplinary center where suspect medical knowledge, an acute lack of ethics and boat-loads of money come together to conduct cutting-edge research on eugenics!”

When asked to clarify whether she meant historical research on the eugenics movement or new research into eugenics itself, the source pretended not to hear.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only. 

Contact Benjamin Midler at bmidler ‘at’ stanford.edu.

A chronic anachronism, Ben enjoys well-punctuated texts and oatmeal cookies. He's also majoring in psychology, so he knows how many fingers you're thinking of holding up. Spam him at bmidler 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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