How each member of the Senate Joint Economic Committee would look as Nintendo villain Wario

Oct. 22, 2020, 8:14 p.m.

Mike Lee, UT, Committee Chairman

The resemblance of their chins is uncanny. Like a ripe peach, their chins BUTT out. The creepy smile adds to the make-up of his villain-like aesthetic. And to top it off, the yellow cap is a win-win to cover the balding. (Photo: GAGE SKIDMORE/Flickr, Edit: OM JAHAGIRDAR/The Stanford Daily)

Tom Cotton, AR

Although originally seen as more of a Luigi, his political views prove him evil to the core. We’re giving him a few years to really fit the Wario physique, but we’re confident he will grow into his Wario eyebrows. (Photo: GAGE SKIDMORE/Flickr, Edit: OM JAHAGIRDAR/The Stanford Daily)

Rob Portman, OH

He’s a Republican from Ohio, so you know he’d be schmoozin’ down those farm roads on the Wario Bike. With the fresh air flowing through his voluptuous bushy eyebrows, he takes a deep breath and lets out a satisfied “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” (Photo: GAGE SKIDMORE/Flickr, Edit: OM JAHAGIRDAR/The Stanford Daily)

Bill Cassidy, LA

It’s all in the eyes here. The stare just makes him look like he’s ready to steal ALL your coins. (Photo: GAGE SKIDMORE/Flickr, Edit: OM JAHAGIRDAR/The Stanford Daily)

Ted Cruz, TX

Adding Wario features somehow made him look less like Wario than not doing anything at all. (Photo: GAGE SKIDMORE/Flickr)

Kelly Loefller, GA

Close your eyes and imagine Wario with the most pumped up blonde wig, red lipstick and high heels and BOOM, you’ve met Kelly. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Martin Heinrich, NM

Martin is just like Wario, if Wario got a nose job, hair job, face job and ear job. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Amy Klobuchar, MN

You know under all that hat, Wario is rocking the Amy bob. And plot twist, Amy stole it from him first! (Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Gary Peters

The slightly too long hair and bushy facial hair make this man likely the best Wario we’ve seen yet. We’ll need a picture without glasses though. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Margaret Wood Hassan, NH

Wario’s aspiration. Not sure if she’s Italian, but she’s white and originally from MA so we’re going to assume that, like Rob, she just wants your money. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons, Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Contact Jenna Ruzekowicz at jrezekow ‘at’ stanford.edu and Om Jahagirdar at ojahagir ‘at’ stanford.edu.

Jenna Ruzekowicz is a staff writer in the sports section. She is a sophomore from Syracuse, New York majoring in Computer Science. Her teams include: Portland Thorns, Arsenal and Man City. Contact her at jruzekowicz 'at' stanforddaily.com.Om Jahagirdar is the Humor Managing Editor and All-Time Humblest Writer at The Daily. Contact him omjahagirdar 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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