SATIRE: Will Apple add a button, or remove a button? Will they add this port, or remove that port? They might even add a letter to its name!

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SATIRE: Margaret Wood Hassan, NH: Wario’s aspiration. Not sure if she’s Italian, but she’s white and originally from MA so we’re going to assume that, like Rob, she just wants your money.

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SATIRE: “I’m always scared that the bubble holding us will pop and we’ll all fall to our doom, metaphorically speaking of course,” said Lakers bench player/cheerleader JR Smith.

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Local racist, Edgar Pritchard, only recently learned that the name of his favorite football team, the Cleveland Browns, isn’t rooted in racism.

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SATIRE: Some are dissatisfied with Biden’s VP pick because, as an inanimate object, the Obama cutout is unable to fulfill any of the duties of the vice president.

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Former national security advisor John Bolton recently published his tell-all book The Room Where It Happened, recounting his experiences with the Trump administration. A majority of the book focuses on Trump’s frequent remarks about Bolton’s prominent mustache.

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Follow this flowchart to find out what section of The Stanford Daily you should join.

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SATIRE: Several smaller artists will also be performing, including a laptop on YouTube autoplay and a shopping cart full of rubber chickens.

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SATIRE: Every fall, Frosh flock to Arrillaga Alumni Center for Frosh Formal, excited to dance, take pictures and listen to their frosh council reps complain about being sober monitors.

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SATIRE: You may have heard of Hot Girl Summer, but how about Frosh Flu Fall? Just ask some Stanford freshmen.

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SATIRE: We at The Stanford Daily are proud to present an anonymous interview with the sole person in the Class of 2023 without imposter syndrome.

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