“Duck and cover!”: Light drizzle terrorizes Californians

Humor by Om Jahagirdar
March 31, 2022, 10:36 p.m.

Spring quarter at Stanford started off with what was predicted to be the wettest storm of the year, a whole 3 inches of rain over three days. Though this may seem a minuscule amount to those of us from the Midwest and Northeast, keep in mind that California has been in almost a constant drought for the last decade.

“I remember when they taught us about rain in school, so I knew exactly what to do,” said proud Angelino undergraduate Matthew Rivera, “Duck and cover!”

Though the populace was ill-equipped to weather the storm, it had an overall positive environmental impact.

“This much-needed rain has nourished ecosystems and is largely a welcome sight for the local flora and fauna… OH NO, THE SALAMANDERS!” exclaimed Earth Systems professor Vasiliy Petrov before leaping out of his chair and sprinting out of the room.

When asked for comment on the record-breaking weather, New Orleanite Jesse Lee had this to say: “What storm?”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Om Jahagirdar is the Humor Managing Editor and All-Time Humblest Writer at The Daily. Contact him omjahagirdar 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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