Eight Halloween costumes that you can take five minutes to explain to disinterested partygoers

Humor by Om Jahagirdar
Oct. 26, 2022, 8:41 p.m.

A werewolf, but not on a full moon

You see, if we’re actually being realistic, most werewolf costumes are inaccurate. Halloween isn’t even on a full moon this year, so I’m actually being the best werewolf by not doing anything different.

Your best friend

Although you know you have created the perfect caricature of your friend, nobody else outside of your friend group knows that. Bore whoever you’re talking to by telling them all about the inside jokes, quirks and anecdotes about your BFF that inspired each part of your costume.

A once vegan, rehabilitated vampire who recently relapsed

At first look, you might think that I’m just your run of the mill vampire. However, as you see by the my pronounced veins on my neck, I have not had human blood in a very long time. Though I still will suck your blood, I will feel great remorse while I’m doing it.

Bruce Wayne, not Batman

Not only is Bruce Wayne much less recognizable than Batman, but you can also deny being Batman if anybody does recognize your costume, furthering their confusion. You could alternately be Peter Parker, not Spiderman.

A pun that’s a stretch

Why am I occasionally scratching the hiking supplies I’ve been lugging around? Isn’t it obvious? I’m a pack-itch!

An obscure characters from a children’s tv show

Not only will you get to enlighten others about Noggindrill’s amazing abilities, but you can insert random, completely unrelated facts about Zoboomafoo to further lengthen your conversation!

A meme

No, you’re not the character in the meme, you’re the whole meme itself. This is a perfect chance to take an uncomfortably long amount of time to bring up the meme on your phone to show to other partygoers.

Half of a couple’s costume

Your partner is in the bathroom right now so you’re just a lone slice of bread with peanut butter. Take the opportunity to explain your complicated relationship history!

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Om Jahagirdar is the Humor Managing Editor and All-Time Humblest Writer at The Daily. Contact him omjahagirdar 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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