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Millions of Americans suddenly confused as to what to do with newfound knowledge of Georgia

Satire by

Prior to Nov. 3, no one (perhaps not even Georgians) was thinking about the state of Georgia. The election changed everything. Suddenly, millions of people across the United States have found themselves thinking too much about Georgia. 

Take, for example, the harrowing tale of Bay Area resident Adrien Reimann. “Prior to November third, if you pointed a gun to my head and asked me to point out Georgia on a map, I’d be dead in an instant,” Reimann said. “I miss those days.” 

He continued with frustrated tears in his eyes. “Ever since the election, I’ve been finding myself tossing and turning all night, pondering the sociological and political makeup of Telfair County. I just want this to stop.” 

Proud New Yorker Reina Fernandez had a similar story.

“What am I supposed to do with all this information about Georgia?” she said, annoyed. “Is there, like, a Georgia trivia contest? Oh wait, there isn’t, because NO ONE CARED ABOUT GEORGIA BEFORE WE WERE ALL FORCED TO CARE ABOUT GEORGIA.” 

Unfortunately, due to the senate runoff elections, thousands, perhaps millions, more Americans are bound to succumb to Georgia frenzy. Perhaps bars everywhere will have to establish Georgia trivia night after all. 

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only. 

Contact Michelle Fu at mifu67 ‘at’ stanford.edu.

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