Ask Roxy Sass: Marriage Pact edition

Nov. 22, 2020, 3:34 p.m.

Roxy likes to think that the Stanford Marriage Pact is the epitome of CS and social good. Although Roxy didn’t participate this year, Roxy still wanted to ask some of our readers to send Roxy their questions about the marriage pact. Here are Roxy’s top tips for optimizing your marriage pact results and securing the bag.

How do I reach out?

In a normal year, I would say reaching out to your marriage pact during your PWR class is the move but we are living in “unprecedented” times and horny posting on main is the norm now. Send that email. Like that post. Follow that private account and if you’re anything like Roxy, you’ll slide into their Zoom private direct messages.

I got one of my friends as my marriage pact. What do I do? How do I make it not awkward?

The algorithm has spoken: You’re not “just friends” anymore. Maybe you were already thinking about taking things to the next level; in that case, consider this your foot in the door. Then again, maybe things really were strictly platonic. You don’t think about them like that, you say. What the hell are you asking Roxy Sass for, then! If you’re so worried about things being awkward, then you need to get your priorities straight. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, your chance for a mythical Friends With Benefits sitch. Don’t let me down, folks.

Is it okay to find my marriage pact on Instagram and simply DM her without a follow or emailing?

Sure, if you’re as plain as a bagel from Stern dining. The best marriage pact stories are spicy. I’m talking about Komodo dragon chili pepper spicy. Trust me. You’re going to want to follow. Even if you don’t ever actually “grab lunch” or whatever other sex positions kids are doing nowadays, you’ll want to live vicariously through their Instagram feed, so make sure to like all their latests posts and show off that 99.1% compatibility.

I got my TA for section as a marriage pact. What do I do?

I remember my first time making out with my TA in the cage at Kappa Sigma. It almost made up for the sticky floors and sweat all over everyone’s body. Unfortunately, TA-student rules won’t allow your love to flourish this year, but it will make it all even more worth it next year. 

Ghosted, not even a follow-back on Instagram. Do I just take the L?

Of course not. Roxy would never take that kind of disrespect.

Contact Roxy Sass with all your juiciest secrets at thegrind ‘at’

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