Accessibility statementSkip to main content
We need your help: All banner donations made today will support The Daily's new staff financial aid program.
Learn more and donate.


Astrology Corner

Humor by

Libra – Be the revolutionary who starts the brand new, pebble-based economy.

Aries – Watching CoComelon is a surefire way to achieve inner peace.

Sagittarius – Avoid revenge-seeking crows.

Pisces – Rate your partner on their willingness to commit tax evasion.

Scorpio – Mr. Bean will be your guiding light.

Taurus – Your aura resembles that of a prehistoric turtle-frog.

Leo – Try fatalism.

Capricorn – Medium roast coffee is inauspicious this week. 

Gemini – Shhhhh. 

Cancer – Let your heart become a home for flea-ridden cats.

Virgo –  Now is the time to enter the lucrative business of alpaca farming. 

Aquarius – Stevia will be your downfall.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

While you're here...

We're a student-run organization committed to providing hands-on experience in journalism, digital media and business for the next generation of reporters. Your support makes a difference in helping give staff members from all backgrounds the opportunity to develop important professional skills and conduct meaningful reporting. All contributions are tax-deductible.


Get Our EmailsGet Our Emails