“One small step for man, one large leap for a man with much shorter legs.” — Neil Armstrong

“Ask not what your country can do for you — actually though, get off our back. How about you handle the Cuban Missile Crisis, huh, bub?” — JFK

“Dance like nobody you find attractive is watching.” — Mark Twain

“Nothing gold can stay, even if the relativistic effect decreasing the element’s reactivity may make it seem that way.” — Robert Frost

“Life is about the journey, not that one time in second grade PE when you face planted while playing DDR. That’s happened to everyone, right?” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world … outside of nuclear weapons … and chemical weapons … and biological weapons. Wow … technology has come a far way.” — Nelson Mandela

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. Otherwise, we’ll be blinded once we step back out into the light. Then you’re just sorta waiting for your pupils to get with the program for a good few minutes and there’s nothing you can really do about it.” — Socrates 

“I am become death, cause holy s**t that blast was yuge!” — J. Robert Oppenheimer

“Holding onto a grudge is like drinking poison and then still harboring ill feelings towards someone else for an extended period of time.” — Noah Webster

“The grass is always greener on the other side, unless the other side is Nevada. It’s like Mad Max out there.” — Every Californian

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because otherwise you’re a wuss who’s a disappointment to your family that will never get anywhere in life … John.” — Dr. Seuss

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.