In the follow-up to this excellent weekend which marks a game for the ages, the birth of the legend, the christening of a football school, we shall recognize the new Stanford Mascot: Duck Hunt Dog.

His chiseled torso and bloodlust-filled eyes represent the athleticism and tenacity of our beloved football team. His black ears represent the arbitrary, ruthless death we rain unto our unsuspecting opponents. His childlike smile represents the carefree and flippant attitude with which we strangled the Oregon Ducks. Go Card.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.