Local for-profit prison announces new ‘Premium’ subscription for wealthy inmates

Humor by Seamus Allen
Nov. 28, 2021, 11:16 p.m.

Prison privatization across the United States has grown rapidly over the past decade, but as the industry has matured, corporations have begun to look for new ways to expand their business model and get a leg up on the competition. Until now, the prevailing business model for prisons was a race to the bottom on how badly operators could cut costs by mistreating and neglecting inmates. One local prison is looking to change that — at least for those who can afford to pay.

The new offerings, dubbed “Prison Plus” and “Prison Premium,” will retail for $199.99 a month and $899.99 a month, respectively. The first plan offers an ad-free prison experience; comes bundled with Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime; and gives inmates access to a private VIP lounge with free snacks, wifi and drinks. 

The more expensive offering comes with all the benefits of the first plan, plus weekly massages, a 20% reduction in sentence length and the ability to spend your time in prison vacationing at participating partner resorts.

For a sufficient (though unspecified) fee, inmates can even choose to not to serve time at all.

Contact Seamus at humor 'at' stanforddaily.com.

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