Campus awaits appearance of heir of Slytherin to activate Meyer Green sculpture

Humor by Uche Ochuba
Feb. 7, 2022, 8:46 p.m.

With the appearance of the sculpture in Meyer Green, there is only one question left on every student’s mind: where and when will the heir of Slytherin reappear?

It is presumed that the heir of Slytherin will use parseltongue to reanimate the sculpture into the Basilisk. In the meantime, many students have reported that they have not seen their friends in several days — they may be presumed missing.

“I haven’t seen my best friend, Neel, since Week 4,” Kevin ’25 (Hufflepuff) told The Daily. “It’s unclear whether he is studying for midterms or if he has been abducted by a 100-foot serpentine.”

Sonia ’22 (Ravenclaw) said, “I found this really cool journal in the basement of Huang. I write in it, and it writes back? I am sure that this is not dangerous at all, and I am currently trying to reverse-engineer it for my startup.”

It is clear that something is brewing on campus, and it is only a matter of time before we find out what. Until then, we will have to sit tight and hope that no more messages written in blood appear on the walls of Wilbur Dining.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Uche Ochuba '24 is the desk editor for humor and a contributing writer in the sports section. Contact him at humor 'at' stanforddaily.com.

Toggle Dark Mode Toggle Dark Mode
Toggle Large Font Size Toggle Font Size

Login or create an account