Ketanji Brown Jackson, a current judge on the U.S. D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals, recently made history as the first Black woman to be nominated to the Supreme Court, the first former federal public defender on the Supreme Court if confirmed and the first Black woman to be blocked from the Supreme Court by Mitch McConnell.

“Some say that our decision to delay Judge Jackson’s confirmation hearings for another three to seven years is political and unprecedented, but they would be wrong,” stated Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell in a press conference. “We are simply following the long-followed 2016-established precedent in our country to block any Democratic-appointed nominees to the Supreme Court.”

In his speech nominating Judge Jackson, President Joe Biden stated, “Judge Ketanji Jackson is the most qualified candidate for this role. She most recently filled Judge Merrick Garland’s seat in the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals and will now fill his seat as the most recent SCOTUS nominee to forgo Senate hearings.”

“We are impressed with her legal acumen and ability to serve this country,” echoed McConnell. “We did not feel Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh or Amy Coney Barrett were qualified to fill this position, and we are excited to increase the diversity of a role that has historically only been held by white men.”

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.