According to a joint statement by members of NATO yesterday, aircraft traveling over Will Smith’s house will now be shot down by members of the military alliance.
The move comes in response to Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, an outburst that captured the undivided attention of world leaders and media outlets in its wake. While NATO was initially hesitant to adopt such an escalatory policy, worldwide condemnation and horror at the tragedy taking place ultimately pressured them into taking action. The alliance reportedly remains wary of escalation to a “Suicide Squad type situation.”
Commenting on the move, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained that the purpose of the move was to “deescalate the dangerous situation” and “prevent future violence.” In addition, global leaders are leveling heavy sanctions against Smith in an attempt to cripple his economy and potentially trigger a coup.
Although these sanctions are expected to raise the prices on copies of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Men in Black by more than 600%, the White House is encouraging people to see the higher prices of essential goods like these as the sacrifices they must make as Americans to uphold their principles.
Mike Donilon, a senior strategist to President Biden, elaborated in an interview on MSNBC that, “This is the sort of thing that the American people really care about. President Biden and I recognize that.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.