“It’s out with the old, in with the new” — as Sharpay Evans so aptly sang in the 2007 film High School Musical 2, the times are changing. Earlier this month, Apple officially discontinued the iPod, a miniature portable music player, after 20 years of its celebrated existence as an emblem of the Y2K era. As netizens mourn this tragic news, let’s take a trip down memory lane and rate some of the most iconic Y2K trends.
Low-Rise Jeans
One of the most controversial trends on this list, low-rise jeans have their fair share of fans and detractors. These jeans, however, are incredibly versatile. With the low cut enabling tiny, if nonexistent, pockets, you can snugly fit your iPod Nano in the crease of your hip. Better yet: layer your jeans with a dress for a powerful statement that screams fashionable indecision.
In-Person Bullying
Social media can be quite a monster, especially for younger users. Today’s youth are either victimized by rumors on gigantic online group chats or sent hateful private messages via anonymous fake accounts. Remember the days when everything was IRL? Sure, that one kid from my math class kept insulting my Sketchers shoes, but at least I could argue back with him face-to-face.
Britney Spears Songs
With global warming and pollution boosting the growth of harmful algal blooms in our oceans, Britney’s hit song Toxic from 2003 really nailed it, even two decades later. In fact, climate change may lead to a 20% increase in toxic algal blooms in the next century. With iconic bops that remain relevant so many years later, Britney’s music is definitely a winner on this list.
Tweezing your Eyebrows
As a thick-eyebrowed person, I am more than happy to let this trend retire. Although patches of redness and ingrown hairs resulting from over-tweezing can perhaps carry their own messages as purposeful vessels of fashion, our foreheads are surely grateful for the well-deserved rest (and we can all aspire to be Cara Delevigne).
Homeownership
Before the 2008 recession, home ownership was on the rise. Subprime mortgage offers had everyone gaping at the Tuscan kitchens on HGTV and searching for the best neon inflatable couches for their dens. Of course, since then, homeownership rates have fallen such that today’s millennials are less likely to own a home than their parents were at their age. Will this declining trend make a comeback later? Only time will tell…
iPods
The namesake of this list and the ultimate Y2K trend, it is with a heavy heart that we acknowledge its culmination. The iPods’ portable size and range of colors truly comprised the cutting edge of technology. If you miss feeling like the main character of your own Y2K era chick-flick, blasting Imma Be and Cry Me a River through these bad boys, then you may still be in luck. According to Apple’s newsroom, the iPod touch will still be available “while supplies last.”
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.