Unprecedented: How I joined 30 clubs out of sheer awkwardness

Humor by Uche Ochuba
Oct. 5, 2022, 9:57 p.m.

It was a sunny and cloudless day in White Plaza when I achieved the unprecedented feat. Did I join 30 mailing lists? Yes. Will I take up any of the hundreds of offers to pop by the Haas Center to check them out? No comment.

The archetypal encounter took place as I tried to discreetly slink past the table covered in stress balls and Dum-Dums lollipops. The representative had almost faded beyond the 180° line in my peripheral vision: the surefire sign of being in the clear. Just then, I heard those fateful words:

“Would you like to join Stanford Ancient Uruguayan Pottery Club?”

The words set a jolt of energy through both of my eardrums which reverberated to every extremity of my body. They might as well have asked my if I wanted to drink swamp water; but I was trapped. Who knew that Carlos Páez Vilaró was such a zealous steward of the tradition?

Before I knew it, I was a diligent subscriber to [email protected]. And the rest is history.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Uche Ochuba '24 is the former desk editor for humor and a contributing writer in the sports section.

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