Stanford students wonder how much midterm elections count toward final grade

Humor by Uche Ochuba
Oct. 12, 2022, 10:10 p.m.

November of an even-numbered year means that election season is once again upon the United States. The Daily caught up with several Stanford students who requested to remain anonymous to get their reactions.

The Stanford Daily [TSD]: As you know, elections will be taking place in only a few weeks, and student turnout is extremely important. Historically, young voter rates have hovered around only 35%. Have you done your part to change this by registering to vote?

Student 1: Huh? Hey man, I’m just trying to pee. It’s bad etiquette to talk at the urinals you know.

TSD: Why are this year’s midterms important to you given the current political climate?

Student 2: Well, um, I think that this is definitely extremely important … especially because they are 40% of my grade. I’m preparing pretty hard so I can, you know, do well. So yeah. As for the political climate, I think it will have significant ramifications, because if [REDACTED] does better than me again, after studying from the notes he REFUSES TO SHARE, we might have to reconsider our friendship.

TSD: What do you think about the significance of the upcoming midterms?

Student 3: So there was this one time in June when I had Mexican food — spicy food gives me really vivid dreams. So I’m dreaming right? And I’m sitting in this massive house with everyone else in the country. And we all have tiny Dixie cups, and every two years a voice from above tells us to just pour some water on the fire. So we all keep scooping water from the tap and dumping it on the fire, but this is a rager. So it just doesn’t go out. And the house burns down. That remind you of anything?

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

Uche Ochuba '24 is the former desk editor for humor and a contributing writer in the sports section.

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