Note: Most of this article is a joke in narrative form. Key word — most.
The alarm clock rings. It’s sunny on this hypothetical Saturday morning when I travel across the bay to watch the 125th annual Big Game at Berkeley. I’m totally not going to sleep in, catch-up on the work I have been delaying since Week 2, book it to Treehouse to watch it on TV before heading to the Elam Theater to watch the TAPS Fall mainstage. I haven’t decided: to Berkeley or not to Berkeley? That is the question. I do like sports.
On this hypothetical Saturday where I go to watch the Big Game, I wake up on time to my hypothetical alarm set at 8:00 a.m. I don’t hit snooze because I am a winner today. The football team might not be, let’s see how the game goes, but I am. I get dressed in the T-shirt I bought from FashionX, take the Marguerite shuttle that’s open because our school hypothetically cares about safety over money and get on the CalTrain because the shuttles have been filled, since I am not paying for a not-hypothetical waitlist. From the CalTrain, I take the BART into Berkeley, where I begin my day dressed in red and white rally and prepared to be yelled at in a town of blue and gold hell.
It’s probably around 12 p.m. at this point, assuming I didn’t stop for a stick n’ poke tattoo at Sorry Mom Club in the East Bay. For context, I have (not hypothetically) landed on college TikTok, specifically Bay Area college TikTok. Thus, Berkeley food and fun recommendations dominate my For You page. I’m not mad about it though, especially for this very real article and my hypothetical Big Game plan. After cross-referencing sources like the amazing independent, after-hours journalist I am, I decide on IMM Thai as the alleged authentic spot in Berkeley for a meal. If a quicker bite is needed (and it will be — I am not paying for overpriced stadium food, only overpriced stadium drinks), I’ll go to Durant Square, a food court south of Berkeley’s campus, or Rizon’s Organic Kitchen for a chicken shawarma wrap, and get some drinks on the go.
If I have time, I’ll head west to Berkeley’s Art Museum. I’ve been here once during Arts Intensive and enjoyed the feminist exhibition. I even bought a tote that had a fig on it, my surname’s namesake (Figueroa). Would highly recommend a more detailed visit, outside of traveling for sporting events.
Hopefully, I’ll get to the stadium and find friends in our student section with an overwhelmingly small attendance. The game will start. I will yell things. I will laugh. I will boo, at both teams. I will get annoyed when it seems that Stanford is winning and then losing to the point of no return. I will be hypothetically happy if the opposite happens, but after last year, I have my doubts. I’ll have fun, though, because football is football and sports are sports.
The game will eventually end. We’ll storm the field if we win or have a walk-of-shame if not. I don’t care because it’s officially Thanksgiving Break when the game ends, and Stanford’s win for getting the whole week off for a horrible holiday. I have family members that will likely be there, and will probably leave with them to get dinner (hoping for Mexican food for quesabirrias or sushi) before I head back to campus. When I arrive back in my dorm, I will pack for break, sleep an exhausted sleep and leave the next morning, forgetting the loss or win from the day before.