I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth and hurried downstairs. When I opened up the fridge and looked inside, I found myself in a bit of a grumble. 

Empty, again.

Frustrated, I went out to the dining room, where I saw Jon Levin and the entire Stanford Board of Trustees sitting and gnawing on tuition dollars next to an empty bowl of direct deposits. 

“Can you please pick up a building at the store. We haven’t had a new one in like two weeks,” I asked.   

They said that they’d think about it. 

I was frustrated. One might even go as far to say grumpy. So I sent in my mobile order to Philz. Fourteen minutes later I picked up my mobile order at Philz from a barista named Archangel. 

I thanked Archangel. Just after thanking Archangel, I questioned if I was ascending inside of the Forest Ave Philz. 

After a few hours of what may or may not have been ascension inside of the Forest Ave Philz, I drove to the Oval. I parked in a tow-away zone and walked to class.

While I was walking to class, I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. 

Finally. The new building I’d been waiting my whole morning for. 

It’s called the Computation and Data Science Complex and this morning I decided to scrap class and only go to the Computation and Data Science Complex. 

As I got closer, I started to get the impression that I was being eaten alive by a massive entity of galvanized steel, glass panes and faceless people coding on their 16-inch MacBook Pros wearing athleisure only. 

I started to get a little anxious so I resorted to step 5 of my morning routine: self-soothing. I repeated, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just the Computation and Data Science Complex.” 

I don’t want to give away too many more details about my experience at the Computation and Data Science Complex.

Your experience at the Computation and Data Science Complex is a special one and unique to you. 

Unfortunately for all of us, I can’t help myself. 

1. If you find yourself with pink eye, a cold sore or are just having a bad hair day, the Computation and Data Science Complex is the place for you. At the Computation and Data Science Complex, nobody will look you in the eye, let alone at your face. Take it from me: last time I was there, I thanked someone for holding the door for me. She looked back at me like I killed her entire family. 

Even if you do happen to have any basic human interaction at the Computation and Data Science Complex, stay calm and just remind yourself that “this, too, shall pass.”

2. It’s unclear which family donated the Computation and Data Science Complex. They didn’t bother attaching their last name. But based on the finishes of the Computation and Data Science Complex, the donor’s descendants will have no issue joining us here on The Farm. So if you see any TAP orders addressed to “Anonymous Donor,” make sure to thank them.

3. If you study humanities and worry that your major is becoming obsolete, next time you enter Margaret Jacks Hall, ask yourself: “Does Margaret Jacks Hall have three kitchens, a rooftop terrace and an infinite glitch of portrait-addled study rooms?” Pro Tip: If you answered “no,” you might want to add “Getting replaced by AGI” to your list of 2025 ins. 

I’ll make sure to follow up next with my review of my experience at the Computation and Data Science Complex with My Review of Getting Replaced by AGI in 2025.