Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.

I have a real zinger. You gotta believe me when I say that this one will have you rolling on the floor, slapping your knee and gasping for air. No doubt about it. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’d win a Webby award for it. In fact, I think I just wrote the best humor article ever.

Really, this piece is a glorious concerto of everything that you’ve come to expect from The Stanford Daily’s talented, insightful and, dare I say, seductive humor writers. It all starts with a hook. The hook of all hooks. When you see it you’re just like “WOW! I am hooked!” and you read on. Then, things get real. It’s like holding a mirror up to your soul. A microscopic breakdown of your psyche so detailed you can make out the faintest etchings of joy and mildest tints of despair from every last bit of your consciousness. Finally, you see the divine comedy of it all. When it comes together, every fiber of your being is overcome with an indescribable flood of joy and laughter. I could hardly contain myself as I wrote it. It all just rolled right onto the page one genius keystroke at a time. 

Look, I’m sure you’re a skeptical person and are naturally critical of this concept. How do I know that this is the best article ever? Trust me. We’ve had our brightest minds at work for days and we’re only just beginning to understand the true extent of its hilarity. The Stanford Daily has committed its entire Research and Development fund for the volume into this one article.

I’m sure you think you’re ready to see the real thing now. You want to take a gander at the funniest article ever. 

No.

I can’t do that. I can’t let you see the article. It’s simply too funny. You wouldn’t understand the depth and magnitude of pure wit that I poured into it. Therefore, it would be irresponsible and wasteful to haphazardly publish it for consumption. So, dear reader, I leave you with this. Though you cannot read the best article ever, which I produced in a stroke of divine inspiration, you can rest easy knowing that you have access to me, the person who wrote the best humor article ever. Plus, you can still read my lesser works (though they pail in comparison to my magnum opus) and laugh a little harder with the knowledge that you are reading an article by the guy who wrote the best humor article ever.