Picture of Garrett Khatchaturian

Garrett Khatchaturian

Garrett Khatchaturian is the Vol. 269 Humor Managing Editor. Contact him at humor 'at' stanforddaily.com or by knocking on his door. He'll know you're arriving.
Humor
Fizz app's bee logo and name on a purple background with glitch-like stripes across the image.

The CCP monitored me on Fizz. This is my story

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 15
Humor
Protests for No Kings Day

Well-to-do protestors open defiant brunch spot: ‘No Kings Coffee and Tea Emporium’

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 9
Humor
Students gather at main quad.

“Pucker up buttercup!” and other quotes from FMOTQ

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 3
Humor
a grim image of the former gates building

Gates Computer Science Building renamed Peter Thiel Center for Panoptic Computing

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 1
Humor
A photo of Hoover Tower

Invisible Hand of the Market gets side gig

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 30
Humor
The arches of Stanford Main Quad

Time traveller charged with double homicide in killing of own grandfather

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 4
Humor
lagunita court student housing front desk

Lagunita Court erects fortifications

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Feb. 20
Humor
Tree helps bear

Letter from the Humor Editor: Satire in the Satirical Age

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Feb. 2
Humor
A picture of the Californian governor, Gavin Newsom.

Newsom says: ‘Three strikes, four balls’

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Jan. 30
Humor
An SUDPS car parked in front of Memorial Church.

Police: Chekhov’s gun seized

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Jan. 12
Humor
With each passing second your grade falls down one whole letter grade. (Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons)

Style guide for your paper due in 24 minutes

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
May 22
Humor
The page on which I wrote the funniest article ever mere moments before gracefully receiving my words. (Graphic: GARRETT KHATCHATURIAN/The Stanford Daily)

I wrote a humor article too funny for you.

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 23
Humor
Sen. Feinstein attends an event to announce her 2026 bid for CA Governor. (Graphic: GARRETT KHATCHATURIAN/The Stanford Daily)

‘A win for necrocracy’: Dianne Feinstein announces 2026 campaign for Governor of California

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
April 8, 2025
Humor
Just tap in, just taaaaap it in. (Graphic: DA-HEE KIM/The Stanford Daily)

Stanford croquet frosh bests star of Cal Poly

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 31, 2025
Humor
I know you want to open the Jell-O, but trust me, it's not worth it. (Graphic: DA-HEE KIM/The Stanford Daily)

The news is too depressing, so here is a poem about a pack of Jell-O

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 31, 2025
Humor
These are movie reviews, but this time, by a frat guy. (Graphic: ANANYA UDAYGIRI/The Stanford Daily)

White guy goes to the movies, reviews ‘LOTR’ and ‘Get Out’

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 31, 2025
Humor
The trolley problem, with the Caltrain as the trolley

Caltrain kills one, saves five

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
March 31, 2025
Humor
A cartoon Uncle Sam with bulging eyes points his finger at the viewer.

Doctor’s orders: Drink less, smoke more, Stanford!

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Feb. 19, 2025
Music
A Renaissance-esque photo of women sitting.

Love, situationships and everything in between: Songs for Valentine’s Day

Madisyn Cunningham, Joanne dePierre, Ellaheh Gohari, Garrett Khatchaturian, Blyss Cleveland, Ananya Navale and Cate Burtner
  •  
Feb. 13, 2025
Humor
a cartoon pole surrounded by exclamation marks.

The Daily acquires 10-foot pole for controversial reporting

Garrett Khatchaturian
  •  
Feb. 6, 2025
The Stanford Daily

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