It’s time for me to face the music—I’m kind of awkward. I can’t think of conversation fodder fast enough to fill those silent gaps, and I often wave to that person on the street who’s actually waving to the person behind me. My voice gets a little shaky when I’m excited. I use phrases like “face the music” only partially ironically.

Awkwardness is a favorite topic at Stanford. We seem to have an entire choreographed dance routine for this conversation, beginning with mimicking marine reptiles and spiraling into an entire menagerie of awkward. Acknowledging the awkwardness is both passé and an ineffective means of alleviating it. Pushing through is difficult and potentially emotionally scarring. Given these less-than-appealing options, what’s a girl to do? I might speak too quietly under normal circumstances and too loudly when I’m excited, but I still want to converse with other human beings, volume-control problems notwithstanding. Luckily, the Internet and assorted technologies are there to support me through these difficult times and provide me social crutches. Social crutches are items or services that give a social pardon and allow me to avoid an awkward situation.

For example, months ago, my non-ridiculously-sized headphones broke, and before I super-glued them (and also my fingers) back together, I was forced to walk campus sans ear buds. I didn’t anticipate the strangeness. I’m hardly hip enough to be lost in musical nirvana all the time, but life without the ear buds was profoundly unpleasant.

I think I use the headphones as some kind of awkward person crutch. With the headphones on, I don’t have to ask that acquaintance in White Plaza how her quarter and possibly year are so far. A short wave is sufficient, because nobody wants the inconvenience of ripping the ear buds out for an awkward four-second conversation. I pretend not to hear the random yelling people or political activists seeking my time, money or signature, which would ordinarily make me feel rude, but I don’t feel so bad with the headphones on.

I am also becoming increasingly dependent on text messages for basic communication. By no means would I be considered a good phone conversationalist even on a good day, but my increasing reliance on text messaging has made me, if possible, even worse at leaving phone messages. While texting is succinct and allows for review before its final submission, my phone messages are always meandering messes. Politeness dictates me to flounder with one-sided conversation before I ask the single question that is the purpose of my call. Sometimes, I am forced to leave several messages in a row with a series of self-corrections, each more frazzled than the former. I held off on purchasing a real texting plan for what felt like a long time, so I faced my social awkwardness with a stubbornness born only of having no other options. Since I’ve given in, however, I’m even more afraid of real phone conversations than before and gravitate toward text-based communication whenever possible.

My inability to walk to class or make a simple phone call without a social crutch is mild in comparison to my utter incompetence at flirting. After I caught myself actually twirling my hair on one occasion, I banned the activity from my arsenal entirely. The advent of Likealittle, like a flirty or creepy Twitter, has made me reconsider my stance.

Social crutches worry me a bit. My very first-world problem of having too many options for communication and leisure time that I have forgotten how to speak to humans is, admittedly, ridiculous. But, losing my self-confidence and ability to relate to other people in real life may be cause for concern. I occasionally consider weaning myself off the crutches, but my plans never become reality. I’m not going to take any drastic action unless I actually become a bona fide hermit. If I do, chances are, the only plea for help I’ll be able to manage is a chat status update, so keep an eye out.

Don’t worry, Jade doesn’t get overwhelmed by receiving e-mails. The only way to receive an overanalyzed response is by e-mailing her at [email protected].