As you may have realized by now, Roxy has seen (and done) many of the boys at Stanford during her time here. And after three-plus years, she’s ready for some…ahem, fresh meat. Though she’s considered grad students, Roxy prefers men who’d rather do her than their dissertation. Instead, she’s decided to emulate the animal kingdom, or at least one of its most majestic creatures–the cougar.

Why is Roxy choosing to “do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”? The merits of cougar-ing are, like the men in Roxy’s life, numerous. For one thing, Roxy, ever the Stanford student, is a little type-A and tends to boss people around, in and out of the bedroom. As the older, wiser and more…experienced half of a relationship, Roxy gets to be the clear “top” dog. And though Roxy is rarely ashamed of her hookup history, she sometimes prefers keeping boys in the dark both literally and metaphorically. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right? (Unless they don’t know about the whip Roxy keeps in her closet for special occasions. That could hurt them.)

But Roxy would never be selfish; cougaring involves more than your typical predator-prey relationship. What’s in it for the cougar-ees? For one thing, unlike that girl down the hall in Wilbur, Roxy has long since forgotten her high school prom date (with the help of many other nights she can’t entirely remember). Roxy has also picked up a few tricks over the years that she’s willing to pass on to the next generation of Stanford students (Roxy cares about the youth, of course). And, just as Roxy has gotten over wearing leggings as pants and other phases she went through before college, she’s also moved past feelings. Roxy, preparing to leave in a matter of months, is all about the no-strings-attached hookups (unless those strings are tying someone to a bedpost).

To all prospective cougars and cougar-ees: Roxy wishes you happy hunting. Rawr.