Making friends has always been hard for me. That is, of course, a symptom of my personality, not some commentary on society being closed or judgemental. I am not an easy person to get along with, my humor is coarse and my tastes are different, to say the least. I went through freshman year getting close to one, maybe two people, thinking that would suffice. I never had a group of people I went to parties with, I chose not to go to team events, and I failed to properly seek out friends in other areas. Frankly, I am great at talking to strangers, asking questions and getting to know people, but that has never amounted to even a casual friendship. Coming into sophomore year I wasn’t worried about making friends or keeping old ones. I figured if I made time for new people and invited them places, they’d reciprocate.

I was wrong.

Now this could simply be my experience; I have never claimed to speak for anyone other than myself. It could be because I am a little bit older, or a little more morose than others, but I don’t think so. My belief is that sophomores are not too keen on making time for new people on a genuine level, and we all know there is a limit to how many times you can put yourself out on the line for someone. It is a symptom of the tranquility of routine, the love of repetition and a desire to do what one is comfortable with. Although I pride myself on trying to meet new people and broaden my horizons, I imagine I fall short on many occasions. We are all victims of comfort.

One of my goals for the quarter is simple: Look at the Stanford events calendar and attend two events a week. They could be games, art exhibits, lectures, concerts, etc. I choose two and I invite someone I want to get to know better. Sadly, only one person has ever chosen to go with me out of nearly a dozen invitations. Now this isn’t some maudlin cry for help or some profession of deep loneliness – I cherish the time to introspect – rather it is a comment on our lives. Are you so busy that two hours cannot be spared to get to know someone new? Or, more importantly, to get to know someone you thought you knew? My one friend and I agreed that, if we are not available for each at least once a week, then our lives are screwed up.

I firmly believe that you can never have trouble prioritizing – you just prioritize. You pick certain aspects of your life and make them more important than others.

I’m not in the business of criticizing someone’s priorities, but I am in the business of reflection. Make sure your priorities are what you want them to be and not what you think they should be. Be able to live with the decisions you make because in the end, you will have to. When I set out goals for the quarter they are not garbage goals like “get straight A’s.” They’re things that are genuinely important to me, like “make at least two new friends,” “find a new favorite book,” “work on my power cleans,” “visit the cactus garden” and “make time for people whether or not it is convenient for me.”

I ran into someone from my dorm at The Axe and Palm earlier this month. She had expressed the same friend-finding disillusionment I had. However, she had been a little more proactive. She said she was joining new student groups and taking fewer classes in order to find her niche on campus. She knows what she wants, and she is trying to find it. She is someone we can all respect.

Get in touch with Chris at [email protected].