As college students across the nation study rigorously and try to perform well academically to solidify their future careers, professors attempt to support them by trying to answer the question: How can we crush their hopes and dreams? The idea of ‘weed-out’ courses has been used as a way to describe classes in which professors try to fail less qualified students through unprecedented amounts of work and nonsensical exams. 

Unfortunately, for some students, the term ‘weed-out class’ has somehow not entered their vocabulary. Joshua Dogg, a well-known marijuana enthusiast within the Stanford community, decided to enroll in a weed-out class because it sounded like a fun time. Upon hearing about how many pre-med students were taking a weed-out course called ‘CHEM 33,’ he decided to enroll.

“Dude. The first lecture was so cool. To be honest, I don’t really remember what they were talking about for most of it, but I really liked the part when they mentioned something about THC,” Dogg mentioned.

Throughout the quarter, Dogg anxiously waited for the moment that he could attend a lecture with an eighth and some rolling papers out. However, by week two, he found himself actually needing to pay attention to lecture instead of listening to Pink Floyd and “chilling out.” After finishing a brutal 10 weeks of course exams, problem sets and lab assignments, Dogg found himself greatly disappointed by his first experience in a weed-out course.

“The name was really misleading, but I was too lazy to take it off of my schedule because Duo Push is super annoying. Maybe someday I’ll find the right class for me. I think I’ll try out geophysics. I heard they get stoned, or study stones, or something like that,” Dogg said.

Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.